I have a lot to write today
Just got back from the doctors, I went for various reasons. My haemoglobin levels are really low at the moment (7 as opposed to the average 12) so I’ve been on iron tablets. I didn’t really realise it was as serious as it is; I just thought anaemia was pretty common. Apparently slight anaemia is ok, but my levels are dangerously low and the nurse said it could be a major contributing factor to why I’ve been feeling so low, and she also said that my concentration spam must be awful too. I hadn’t noticed but I’ve not been at work. Basically I had to have a blood test today to make sure they haven’t dropped any further. She said after only a month on iron tablets you wouldn’t really expect them to have improved (that’s more of a 3 month timescale) but if they drop any more I will have to have a blood transfusion. A FUCKING BLOOD TRANSFUSION! That’s pretty serious isn’t it? So yeh, one more thing for me to worry about, lush.
I told Cey to stop ringing me and that I don’t want to speak to him again. He rang me about 5 times over the weekend. He’s only doing it to make sure I’m sorting things out. He’s not even nice. He pretends to care about me, but only so I’ll do what he wants and he’s scared of the consequences if I don’t right now. Fuck him, or not as the case may be. He’s a typical male scumbag. I smacked his friend, spoke to him like absolute shite, and he still wants to shag me. What a twat. Men have no morals.
I had a fucking lovely few days with Laura last week. I was feeling soooooooooooo shite on Wednesday that last minute I got a train ticket to Paignton in Devon because I knew she had a few days off. Got there just before tea time, she lives just by the station so we went back to her flat and dumped my stuff and then went to this cool bar called the Boathouse where she works. There were loads of people there who Laura works with, about 20 or something silly and it was really nice and social. I had the biggest plate of Nachos the world has ever seen, and I only managed half or less. They were ENORMOUS. I had a few drinks, enough to feel tipsy but not drunk and it was fun. It was good and made a change to meet new people (new men especially) in a non bar/club environment. Usually if a man starts talking to me in a bar/club my guard goes up straight away even if he is hot, but this was all so relaxed and not like that. She has a lovely friend called Tim who kept buying us drinks, and wouldn’t let us buy him any back, so it was a pretty cheap night for me. This Tim was also quite hot although he reminded me of Tad from Neighbours from years ago. Not a bad thing I suppose. I was pretty much on form. I like meeting new people out of my new surroundings because they know nothing about me, and I can turn on the charm ad be whoever I want to be. I know that when I am not being a miserable bitch I am in fact quite likeable.
Momentarily I thought that maybe moving to Devon would be a good idea. It would definitely be beneficial to my health. There is not really any nightlife, so they do wholesome social activities like surfing, or playing crazy golf, or just having a “few” drinks as opposed to my “many” on the average night out. There’s no room for taking drugs because there is nowhere to go and take them, and maybe a life off the drugs and alcohol would, and taking up some sports would be good for me. But as if I could live like that. I miss Leeds so much right now; if I lived any further away from the city I think I’d go mental. Going out and getting fucked is my outlet and way of letting off steam; god knows what would happen to me without it. So yeh, I ruled that idea out almost as soon as I came up with it!
The day after the Boathouse, we went to Newquay! We were going to a secret gig of a band called Them Is Me. It was basically half of the old band Reef, the drummer from Bassment Jaxx, and a guitarist for Lady Sovereign. I wasn’t too arsed about seeing the band although all Laura’s surfy friends were nearly wetting their male knickers about it. The support band was called the Sycamores and someone said they supported Arctic Monkeys on their tour? Fuck knows. This band was fucking awesome though. I have checked their myspace and the stuff on there is old and does not compare one bit. Them Is Me were quite frankly the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever paid a fiver to watch. It was like going back to the 90’s when grunge was big (and still shit). It was just quite tragic to see, I think they even had a song called “are you ready for caveman love?” or some other bullshit. Everyone else loved them. So I went and chatted to the support band who were at in the corner looking equally unimpressed. Proper nice guys, said they might be coming to Bristol soon. Ace. After we left we went to Fistral Bay for a smoke, and it was almost euphoric. The weather was pretty treacherous, but my senses felt alive with it all. It was perfect for bringing me down after the gig and then we went back to the campsite. One of Laura’s mates knew the guy who owns Tregustick campsite and he opened it especially for us because it’s out of season, which was really nice of him! I came home the next day and went for a sleep.
I’ve tried to have a weekend off the drink, haven’t touched a drop and I’ve been drinking shed loads of water to give my body a bit of a boost. I feel pretty good for it to be honest. I haven’t really been out all weekend. I read a whole book one day, a proper cheesy love story that Laura lent me and I loved it. Maybe I am more girly than I give myself credit for. I also downloaded a thing on the internet where you can download whole albums in like 7 mins. So all weekend I’ve been doing that, and filling up my Ipod. I thought I was a bit bored with music but not right now. I’ve found my excitement for it again and I’m finding I haven’t got enough minutes in the day to listen to everything I want.
A few shit things have happened too but I do not want to write about them because I have been trying to keep them out of my mind and not let them upset me. So far it’s working. I’ll write about it next time I’m crying about it.
On a plus, I’m slowly putting weight back on. I’m 9.5 stone now, I want to be 10. I have noticed it mostly in my cupsize, but also on my arms and the tops of my legs. I checked my body mass index, it should be between 18.5 and 24.9 for my height, and mine is 20! So no-one can bitch at me for being too skinny anymore.
