Today has been shit. I've just been on my own because Mum is still on holiday. I've been trying to clean the house, like properly sort stuff out because it's never been done fully since they moved on 3 years ago. Things have gotten pretty desperate if I'm cleaning to entertain myself.
I'm going to try and not go out this weekend, I need a detox. I want to go to Leeds at the end of the month too for Spam and Wynnes birthday so I need to save my pennies. I'm getting addicted to ebay, I've bought SOOOOO many cool clothes on there recently, it's a shame I have no life or anywhere to wear them.
I updated my photo album yesterday with various pics of nights out and festivals over the summer. I tried to skip the me and Rob pictures but it fell open at the photo of when me and him went to Elbow Room for Krafty Kuts, and a sob-fest began, I just wish I was that happy again. I ended up looking through all the photos and I used to be happy. Maybe not all the time, but most of the time. There were pics of my 21st with Sam, pics of various house parties in Leeds, pictures of me and Rob and they all remind me of happy times. Then there are the pictures of this summer and I'm smiling for the camera but I know I wasn't happy. I look skinny, and ill, and I wonder how long after that picture was taken was I crying again? I just want to stop feeling like this. Everyone says it will happen, but I've been trying really hard recently to push through it, and nothing is changing. I wonder will I ever be able to just be normal again. I am really lonely at the moment. I feel awkward staying at Mums but if I'm here I am just on my own. Aimee has gone back to uni, and everyone else works. I've been advised not to get a job so fuck knows what I'm supposed to do. I'm not sleeping again either so that's making me feel shit too. I sound like a fucking broken record don't I? I thought things were changing. These years are supposed to be the best years of my life. I wish my life was over.
