Okay…quite a lot has happened, well not really but just stupid little insignificant things that I like to write about, and it’s been a few days since I last posted.

Firstly, my brother bought me an Ipod! Me and him haven’t really been getting on that well recently, I’ve been a bit upset with him for various reasons and he’s been a bit distant with me. Last week he had to work something ridiculous like 75 hours to get a job finished, and so this week he bought me an Ipod, as my old one is broken and last week I was moaning how I missed music! Bless him. I sobbed when he gave it to me. I think Mum gave him a bit of cash for it but it was totally his idea and he paid most of it. So yeh, Russell is back in my good books heh.

Went out Friday night just to The Globe for a curry buffet, which was lovely. Had a real chilled night there, it’s ace just to chill with the Frampton lot sometimes. Then we all got a coach to town! We went very predictably to Ramshackle (where I’ve been FAR too many times recently). I’m trying to lay off drugs, so I was just drinking but I’m getting a lot better at drinking recently. I used to get really tired or sometimes upset but the last few times I’ve been really happy, just dancing all night, and I even managed to stay up until 6am! I kissed this random boy too, can’t really remember much about him apart from that he was hot. I thought I had grown out of that stage in my life but I suppose everyone likes an ego boost. Saw a few people out who a few years ago would have bothered me, but it’s all very positive now and I can’t decide if there actually was any problems back then, or if all the animosity was in my head? Maybe I was just an angry little teenager; I think that’s very probable. I’m enjoying getting a bit older. We all went back to mine after Ramshackle and just listened to music till the early hours, I was supposed to go swimming on Saturday morning but I was SO hung-over there was no way I could have.

I was supposed to go out Sunday night but instead I went to see Pete and Freda, Fran & John were also down too which was nice. I was going to go back to Lutterworth to stay with them for a few days but I have an appointment tomorrow so I can’t. Last week I went to see my GP Dr. Brooks to talk about how I’m not receiving any treatment anymore, and how the next step requires waiting 7 months which quite frankly given my situation is ridiculous. She said she is experienced in mental health issues and it is the field she specialises in, and that she had reserved me an appointment for Tues (so tomorrow now) for me to come and talk at length about my issues, and then we can see what she thinks she best course of action will be for me. So I’m doing that, AGAIN for about the hundredth time. I shouldn’t be so pessimistic, she did explain a new type of therapy she was considering for me but it sort of seemed like she was just a Doctor messing with Psychotherapy. I don’t know. We’ll see, I’ll give it a chance.

Yesterday me and Russ went to buy Mike a birthday present, which went down well. He loved it. We then went to town to meet Jules, who no-one really gets to see much anymore since she’s moved to Bedminster with Rich. I really fucking miss living near town. Me and Russ were discussing moving out but I think living with him would be an awful idea. We did however discuss living in Mums house when it’s finished, I don’t know if that’s even viable, BUT it would solve the problem of mess because Mum wouldn’t allow mess in her rented house!

We went to The Apple which I was a bit apprehensive about because I text Cey about going out this weekend but he didn’t text be back, and I didn’t want him to think I was stalking him or something. But I was worried about nothing, he has cracked the screen on his phone (he showed me) so can’t read anything on his phone, only receive calls. He said he was glad I came in because he had no way of contacting me. He’s really weird and I can’t work him out at all. He text me the other week telling me I was amazing, then he told me he doesn’t do one night stands, totally hinting that he wants more, But then it’s sort of ended there? I think I’m being a bit stand-offish about it all. I was a bit blunt with him yesterday because I didn’t want to have a chat with him in front of all my friends including Pad, and then when we went to leave I just said my goodbyes across the room and left whilst he was still behind the bar. Yeh, come to think of it, I was totally off with him. I need to sort that. I just haven’t been single in so fucking long that I’ve sort of forgotten how to do things. I’m sure I’ll see him next weekend anyway, or maybe I should call him? It’s so complicated this business! Since I’ve just written so much about him I figure I must be interested in him? Like I said earlier, he’s quite weird but in a really interesting way and I like the fact that I can’t really work him out. AND once again it must be said how fucking beautiful he is, just everything about him sort of gives me butterflies when I see him. And I NEVER get that with people I don’t know, god I’m so shallow. He’s got an absolutely perfect face apart from these really tiny scars you can only see close up, I like the fact that he’s not perfect. Also, he must like me quite a lot to have been able to put up with my weirdness when I stayed at his and still be interested. I don’t know how I feel about him; maybe I just like the interest.

So yesterday we came to Mums for tea which is where I’m staying again now, and saw Granny and Arfie too. God knows what I am going to do for the rest of the day.

This post has been really cheerful. I am feeling a bit better purely because since I have been on Iron tablets, I have been sleeping again. Sleep deprivation is so fucking tiring, and for some reason the Iron seems to have changed this. I have been trying to avoid bad thoughts and seemingly I have been succeeding. I think I’ve just been having a good week, but I have been able to sort of hoist myself back up whenever I’ve felt my mood slipping. Something which I was incapable of before. Maybe being off drugs is helping too. And also the fact that I was been living at Mums, so have tried to not allow myself to ever be alone. I have been trying not to think about Rob, I’ve not been doing too well at that, but I will not let myself write about him anymore here.
However, still no job, no therapy and I’m sure if I moved back in with my brother things would revert back to the old way very quickly.