I'm going to start writing in here again. It's been a while as you can see but I need some form of outlet for my emotions, and I don't really have anyone I can talk to about these things in person. I'm so changeable and so up and down that if I get someone to understand me, by the time I have finished I won't feel like that anymore.

I got back from Reading festival yesterday after yet another amazing festival weekend. And right now I'm feeling the inevitable doom and gloom over after-fest blues.

I don't really have much to write now but I wanted to restart this for myself. I'm so lonely right now, and before this did help.

Since my last post me and Rob got back together and then finished for good just after Glastonbury. I went into hospital again after another overdose, and I have been discharged from Mental Health outpatient care. I have moved back to Bristol for good and I am living at my Dads house with my brother. I visited Leeds a few weeks ago and got taken home in a police car after a drunken argument with Rob, this was before I'd decided to stay in Bristol. I also met Alex for a coffee, which was lovely and not awkward at all. I've had a few texts since but it's all been really chilled, a positive thing right now definitely.

I am more unhappy than ever, and now Rob doesn't want any contact with me altogether. This is my last hope. At the moment I still don't have a job and spend my days mainly on my own thinking about what I have done. I still love Rob so much that it makes me want to die. I really don't think I have much longer left, I'm just waiting for something to finally push me over the edge.

I have tried to quit drugs, and I was being successful until the various festivals, and at Reading I did LSD for the first time. A few weeks ago I slept with a guy called Cey who works at the Apple boat in town. It made things worse, and now I'm doing my best to avoid men. Reading was lovely because I went with a group of guys who hardly know me, and they were proper fun and not sleazy in the slightest. Cey is a nice guy but fuck knows what I want right now. Anything to do with him is the last thing that is going to fix me.

Forgot to mention my drugs have been changed from Citalopram to Venlafaxine, which is making me less drowsy. I've also been diagnosed as acutely anaemic, which is another possible cause of my tiredness and lack of enery. So I'm on iron pills too.

No-one is taking me seriously. I miss Rob. I'm so close to the edge.