In my last post I said I was waiting for something to finally tip me over the edge. Well it’s happened; Rob is seeing someone else. ALL of this obviously isn’t his fault; this is just the final straw. I am so unhappy right now; it physically hurts me inside to write this. I want to be dead. I’ve wanted to be dead for so long. I know this is the right decision. All that is left for me to do is say my goodbyes. This isn’t anyone’s fault, I am just not meant to be here anymore. People don’t think I’m serious, I’m not getting any help at all and this is my only way out. I know I am selfish and will be thought of badly for doing this, but I am not strong enough to cope anymore.
Mum- Thanks for everything recently. I love you so much even though I don’t tell you. You have done absolutely everything you can to help me, please don’t feel guilty.
Dad- I love you too. You and Mum do so much for me and Russ and I will be eternally grateful if there is anything that follows this life. You couldn’t have done more.
Russ- You never understood any of this. That is not a criticism; you are a lot more pure than me. I didn’t want you to understand. I love you so much Russ, please take care of everyone when I’m gone.
Granny & Arfie & Pete & Freda – You guys have such a zest for like which I just don’t posses. You have fought for where you are today; your health, your family. You must be so proud and I am so proud to have been a part of your legacy. I love you
Trace & Mike- Thanks for everything you have ever done for me and Russ. We love you both so much.
Ben & Sam- I have never been so proud in my life; it’s almost as if this is what having children would be like. I have watched 2 boys blossom into amazing young men. I love you two.
Fran- You have always been so proud of me and such a faith in me that I probably didn’t deserve. Thanks, I love you.
Rob- I’d have done anything for you, I just couldn’t get over you. I’m sorry things had to be like this. You gave me strength for so long
Vicki- You were a kid when we first men, and now you are a beautiful young lady. I’m so sorry for not being there when you need me. Don’t let this sway you the wrong way in life, don’t head the same way as me. You have more love for it than me. I love you.
Ju- It’s good to see things turn out so good for an amazing person. I love you Ju
Rosie & Laura- You guys would have been there at the drop of a hat if I’d have let you in, I just couldn’t. You are both amazing people. I love you.
Aimee/Becki/Hannah- Having you guys back in my life recently has made it a lot brighter. I forgot how good it used to be.
My Frampton Boys- You boys are the little rays of sunshine in my day. Do me a favour and quit all the shit in your life which is going to fuck your heads up, I don’t want you to end up like this.
Pad- You’re my boy. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone who thinks as much of me as you. I love you.
Sam De Boeck- You let me down because you’re a coward. I have nothing else to say to you.
Spam/Nat- I love you guys so much. I couldn’t move back to Leeds because I didn’t feel a part of things anymore. Spam when you broke up with Jack I tried to be there at every corner, I feel a bit deserted. Did you write that list of names on your facebook profile purposely to make me feel discluded? I have no time to ask these things before I go.
Everyone who cut contact with me as soon as the going got tough….. no-one asked you to choose between me and Rob, you just did anyway. I HATE people who let you think they’ll be there when it’s bullshit. You made me feel like shit.
Please can someone tell Cey at the Apple what has happened.
I’m sorry if I’ve missed anyone. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more profound in what I chose to say.
I wish I could turn the clock back to when I was last happy, but aside from my time with Rob, I don’t know when that was.
It’s selfish but I’m so sick of hurting.
I love you all so much. I didn’t do this to hurt you.
